(8) if you hear what i have to say ...

Sooo I'm just not feeling too good about things right now. There seems the need for a constant imbalance in my life you know. It's stupid becuase I know it's just me too ... I have this thing where I feel like those that I surround myself with really affect my mood. Specifically my friends. If they're all happy and good - I'm basically happy and good. But there's always that one friend that's not happy. And, that's just not good. You know what I mean? My friends range and they're basically all-sorts. But here's the thing, I love them unconditionally. Take me for instance, I know I have faults. There's the opbvious physical ones, but then there's also me being really Flakey and bailing on my friends sometimes. There's the fact that I'm basically inconsistent and I go AWOL without notice (to my friends. If i went AWOL on my parent's they'd shoot me). To get out of things, I will most likely make up an excuse -- and this happened for most of high school cuz I was just basically never allowed to go anywhere and it was getting lame after a while. So, those are some of my faults. My friends: they're oversensitive, bitchy, short-tempered, mean, dry, mean to each other, liars, players ... but I still love them! LOL. I want them to just be cool. And one my biggest problems is that my friends dont' really get along with each other. I mean, I've made frineds with lots of people and in turn gotten close with them. I don't want to lose them. But it just means I have to spread myself really thin. This one friend of mine in particular, I love her in particular andddd I know that we've been lacking in seeing each other but it's been hard. I mean, she's busy and so am I and it's not like she's making an effort to talk to me either, but I'm sometimes lef to beleive that she's mad at me y'know. Which just makes me feel stupid for wanting to be still be her friend. Ugh. eff this, I wanna sleep...