for the dreams i wish i couldn't remember ...

i really had myself going there for a minute.
i was so convinced that i was over all that melodramatic excess guk from the guys in my past.

now i'm scared that im going to be making the same mistakes over and over again. and that i'll just never learn until i realize that there is no one out there for me.

it's 11:16AM. it's Friday. i have my volunteering at 1PM which means i have to leave here in an hour. i dont wannnnnnnnnnna.

but yeah, this is how the dream went down. the ever-so-disturbing dream:
Ang came over to my place and my sister was home so basically it felt like it was actually happening. he brought over his tape of Krazy Kamp, the play that our entire 8th grade class put together way back when.
then for some random reason we were suddenly hugging. i mean i guess it's not so random cuz we are really good friends and have known each other forever and a day. but still. then we were kissing. just simple, short and sweet kisses. and then we both fell asleep. we woke up and my sister was asleep too and it was 8AM. and my parent's were just coming home from being out the night before. and i had to rush around. and my mom say and she was all, "is there something going on between you two?" and i was all, "no, i slept upstairs and he slept down here mom, he couldn't get into his house last night" or some shit like that. and i realize, i was late for work cuz on Saturdays' i work at 9AM. and i go up to my room and my uniform isn't ready and my computer and everything was on from the night before.

seriously, it felt so real cuz it seems like the kind of thing that would happen to me. what's more is that in the dream i fell asleep and then woke up. you know what i mean.

but that kiss. that's what threw me off about my dream.

cuz i had myself convinced - i really had myself going there for w hile. i'm so mad at him still - i didn't think i was capable of having dreams about him. i want him to feel like i used him. but it won't happen cuz all guys want to be manwhores anyways.

yeah, so that's all. i have to get ready now.